Enough quality - let's post some Garth Ennis crap!

I have a love-hate with Garth Ennis... well, mostly love. But I have to admit that the stuff that he can write is utterly hateful, wrong-headed garbage. But it's so much damn fun to read - the laugh-out loud type of fun - that well hell, you wouldn't want to watch Masterpiece Theatre all the time, would you?

THE PRO

What would happen if a single-parent prostitute without a shred of normal middle-American values was given superpowers? The answer is The Pro. In this obvious and profane satire of the Justice League, a down and out hooker is given superpowers by The Voyeur (a spoof of Uatu the Watcher) and inducted into a good ole gang of superheroes. Without the fighting ethos of her other spandexed compadres (BTW, she does note the spandex is "lame" especially when her boobs can't stop popping out), she pisses golden showers on her enemies and punches off their jaws. And to leverage her newfound powers into a little money making venture - blows a thousand men in one night at super-speed to grant herself a year's worth of salary. Well, why not? But the best scene is where she gives Boy Scout (the Superman parody, obviously) a quickie and his ejaculate blows off the wing of a passing plane. Come to think of it (pun intended), how does Lois Lane survive these things? There's also a brilliant clumsy lesbo come-on by the Wonder Woman pastiche. It's all drawn by Amanda Conner (who now does Power Girl, but The Pro was following her stint on Archie comics, so look for that distinctive style)

ADVENTURES IN THE RIFLE BRIGADE

I have no idea what Garth Ennis was trying to do here except show his contempt for the British military and its school system, the Scots, the Germans and the Americans. I guess he hates them all by reducing them to one-liner cliches that never rise beyond their stereotypes or given any development. Of course he makes fun of the Nazis, he's got the Prussian horn-dog, the little vanker Gestapo kraut, and his SS torture bitch with huge tits. But he really sticks it to his "heroes" - 1) an overly "Jolly good, ole chap" bullshit brigade commander who admits buggery is part of growing up upper crust English, 2) a public schooled, flower-smelling second-in-command whose dream in life is to be given a handjob by his commander, 3) a mentally-retarded working-class English behemoth who is also a cannibal and has only one line that he repeats incessantly: "Ee-yoop!" 4) a violent Northern English Yorkshire yob who is ace with knives but only has one line that he repeats incessantly: "Yer aht of ordah!" 5) an East Coast American demolitions thug who only has one line that he repeats incessantly: "Gawd dammit!", and 6) a scrawny but totally balls-out insane old Scot who is deadly with his bagpipes made out of someone's face. Those charming Celts. Basically more of a tale of six assholes being played off each other than a true narrative, it's what MAD magazine would come up with if they were adult-oriented.